Lawyer Jokes

A famous lawyer found himself at heaven’s gates confronting St. Peter.  He protested that it was all a mistake: he was only 49 and far too young to be dead.

“That’s odd,” said St. Peter, “according to the hours you’ve billed, you’re 119 years old.”


“Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the divorce-court judge said, “and I’ve decided to give your wife $775 a week.”

“That’s very fair, your honor,” the husband said.  “And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.”


“In the law, the only thing certain is the expense.”  --  Samuel Butler


A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home elated one night.

“Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.”

“Settled it!” cried his astonished father.  “Why, I gave that to you as an annuity for life.”


Client:  Excuse me, do you have a moment?  If I pay you $150, will you answer three questions for me?
 
Lawyer:  Yes.  Yes.  Now then, what is your third question?

Question:  Why do you never see lawyers at the beach?
 
Answer:  Because the cats keep burying them in the sand.

Question:  What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 40?
 
Answer:  Your Honor.